is your husband perfect?

This life

My life

Real life

It’s short, it goes fast, it can feel like it’s spinning out of control at times. I really do try my best to be as real and authentic (if we want to use a more millennial or trendy word) in all I do and say in life and on social media. 

It has come to my attention though recently after someone asked my sister a funny question about my husband. They didn’t mean it as a funny question...they were being completely serious and it was a legitimately honest question. I say funny because when my sister told me I laughed. 

They asked something along the lines of “if Chris is really as good a dad/husband as he seems on Instagram/Facebook”....now you may wonder why i laughed? I laughed because he’s a human. He is my favorite human, I love him more than any other human. He is the perfect husband for me and the perfect father for my children, but he is not perfect. I am not perfect. We both are super flawed individuals...We both have issues. We both mess up parenting our kids. Sometimes pretty badly. We both lose it with each other...we fight...we make up...we fight again. We suck at communication. We are trying to do better. It’s hard. Marriage is hard. When I say he’s the perfect husband for me it means he teaches me about myself and things that I need to work on and visa versa...he has qualities that I do not possess that help balance me and I him. when I say he’s the perfect father for my kids it means God knew whatever our kids needed to turn into functioning productive adults who know their purpose and will go after God first and foremost Chris would teach them better than any other man so he gave these 6 beautiful babies into our care for a season. I thought I was doing a good job of being real on social media...but this question proves I am not. 

I talked to chris a couple weeks ago and told him what I was thinking of doing, about sharing more on my blog or Facebook/instagram. He asked me why? I said well to be honest...I follow a lot of other moms, wives and families with really pretty feeds. Sometimes I see their husbands post these beautifully written posts about their wives or their gorgeous super clean homes with all the trendy decor and feel like dang my life and my husband kinda blows. 

Then a few moments later I think how messed up is that?! Why would I even for a second think that?! So I told Chris I don’t want any other mom to look at our life and think “gosh, I wish my husband was more like Chris” or “why can’t so and so do what Chris does with his kids”... that’s completely the opposite of everything I want to inspire in my posts! I also told Chris we have three nieces....your three nieces who are all young adults and dating or engaged...they are watching us and they need to know that marriage isn’t all perfect little Instagram posts and selfies on date night. That sometimes ya wanna throat punch the guy you love more than sleep next to him. but that’s ok...Jesus will help you if you let him and practice self control and keep fun a part of your life too. really marriage is hard, you hear it all the time but then you don’t  really see it played out..you just see the date nights. I think it’s important to point out that the person the you love will hurt you eventually...it’s inevitable... not intentionally but we are flawed humans who all bring our own things into relationships. Not just the marriage relationship either but all relationships. That’s why communication is super important listening to understand and not just to solve or respond. The reason it hurts so much when the ones you love hurt you is because you love them. you can only hurt to the depth you love...so if all your relationships are surface then you will keep yourself protected for sure and probably never have to worry about being hurt but that’s no way to live. Never having real connection or vulnerability with anyone which is literally what we are created for. Watch the Brene brown ted talks (two of them and the Netflix special, be warned there is some langue in them). But deeper than her talks...God created us for relationship, close intimate, community, family, connection, belonging. 

I told him that we made it through the really rough years of no sleep with multiple babies, like four under 4 in 5 years and  that it kinda sucked and I don’t remember a whole lot except not showering as much as I would have liked, but we made it through and the kids survived too but that other young parents need to know it’s ok, we’ve been there...you can do it...what you are feeling and going through is so completely normal and if you need to talk we totally get you. I said I want to be an open, safe place for questions, for conversations, for connection. Personally I’m so tired of scrolling through perfection that I’ve found myself just staying off of Facebook and Instagram except to try and post for work but even that I find myself not posting much.

I’ve never made my Instagram a business account either because I know I will not keep it all streamlined and follow the seo/algorithm/pretty feed/perfect posts/ and all the things you are supposed to to as far as posting as certain times of the day etc to get the most exposure.

I’m just not that concerned with it and to be honest I have more important people and things that my time deserve. As I’ve gotten older (35🙈) I’ve notice how much time or lack there of I have...it’s one thing I can’t make more of, I can’t get back and it’s passing by so quickly. So I’m getting very selective about what I am willing to spend this precious thing on. 

So in keeping with this effort to be real I’ve been contemplating sharing some pretty personal things. Not so personal that no one knows but personal that you wouldn’t know unless you have known me since I was 16 and were very close to my family. 

When I was 16 I was diagnosed with epilepsy...getting to that diagnosis itself was a challenge as the first dr. told my parents I was probably doing drugs 🙄which I was not. Finally we did get the diagnosis and a medication (that was not great, had some icky side effects like weight gain) but it worked. Fast forward a few years...when I got pregnant I stopped taking the medication bc it could harm Isaac. Then of course breastfeeding so still no medication and surprisingly I didn’t have any seizures while pregnant or nursing thankfully. So since I spent about 10 years of my life being pregnant/breastfeeding I stayed off the meds with little to no issues...thank God. 

Fast forward again a few years to being done with all the having babies and nursing part of my life. Everything seemed fine and I didn’t have insurance so life went on. Seizures seemed to happen when I would be exhausted/stressed ...so typically after my busy season. I would work like crazy October-December and kinda crash in January. Not sleep well/stress and from all of that seizures would happen. Then once I caught up on sleep they would go away. But the last three years I was much more intentional about my schedule and not overworking and only booking a certain amount of sessions during busy season etc. yet they were worse and this past year it was ridiculous and uncontrollable no matter what. If I saw you from like November through April I had not slept like at all. I was barely there. Running on mom has to get things done momentum and Jesus. It was worse than even I let on but moms don’t have time to be sick so onward I went. I scared my family, my kids, my sister, my parents. I fell multiple times...I bruise really easy...I had some crazy ones, you wouldn’t believe. I fractured my wrist. I banged my head pretty good once and broke a solid wood cupboard door in the process, I fell in the shower, doing laundry, burned my hand making dinner. Anyways, I know I should have gone to the drs sooner...but I thought they would stop like they had before. But I could not catch up on sleep...I don’t even want to tell you what my nights were like. I also did not want to go back on meds especially if they were going to make me gain weight like they had 20 years ago...as a person who is already overweight that’s the last thing I needed. Plus with out having insurance I know how much seeing a specialist can be. plus medication and the last time I saw a neurologist they wanted to do a three day study on my brain and I did not want to do that...but I was desperate to get some sleep and relief from all of the issues I was dealing with so I google searched the neurologist that finally helped me when I was 16 and found him. I sent a pretty desperate email and surprisingly he emailed me back within the hour. Then I had an appointment set up with him for his next available time which was about a month ago now. I went to my appointment, we went over my history, he prescribed me a new medication and said he would see me in 6 months. Just like that...such a simple fix. Why did I wait? 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄the medicine is working, I’m finally getting some sleep...I’m so thankful to the drs and for new medications that have come a long way in 20 years...there are some side effects that are definitely sucky but the benefits outweigh them for sure. 

I’m just saying in 35 years I’ve been through some things. A lots of things. Some not even my family know about...some you all know about like almost losing Chris 6 years ago and Lucy being diagnosed this past December with type 1 diabetes. Others like lost friendships, Ethan being diagnosed with ocd and somewhere on the spectrum but super high functioning, you don’t because I don’t share everything on social media and I don’t talk about it to anyone except my sister and parents. Mostly it’s just easier that way, but it’s also a bit lonelier to be honest.