Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Lonely crowd....

I have a lot of blog posts written in my notes on my phone. It usually starts with a thought or problem I have, then when I'm laying in bed and can't turn my brain off I write. in the morning I will usually read what I wrote and edit (bc it's late and auto correct). Then I just leave it on my phone. Still I'm not sure I want people reading these types of things what will they think...but really why do I care what they think? Of course my blog has only a handful of followers and no one really ever comments so it really may not matter.  Sometimes I think what if this is also meant for someone else or might help someone. Then my immediate next thought I'd "that's ridiculous, this will not help anyone" . So now you know my thoughts and have glimpse into my thinking lol. 

Do you ever feel lonely? 
Being a photographer is a bit of a lonely job. You meet new people almost constantly yes and get to know them but 90% of's just me and my computer spending a lot of time together. For most people you go to work and have co workers you socialize coworkers are a camera and a Mac they are really good listeners. 

Being a mom can also be a Lonely job. Yes you may be in a crowd of little people all day but still feel lonely. you are with your kids most of the day and 98% of your day is spent taking care of everyone and everything. Maybe Before you had kids you thought well I will have my husband and my mom friends but then you are there and your husband is working, providing for your family and you don't have kids at the same time as your friends. So there you are and it feels alone.

I look at my moms life. She is the most amazing person I know. I wonder if she ever felt lonely while raising all of us. If she did we never knew it. She always had a lot of friends and a couple really close friends as we grew up, but we moved a lot so those friendships would change and new friends would come. There have been a few constant ones, one that comes to mind in particular is "grandma Diane". no  she isn't related by blood but she is our grandma. She was my moms spiritual mentor and taught my mom a lot. I'm sure through the years my mom has been that same thing to another mom along the way. Which got me thinking do I have women in my life like that? Am I now (nope not even close) or will I be someone like that someday?  Who is my "grandma Diane" will I ever be someone else's "grandma Diane" 

It's hard when you are a mom and you live the same day in and out it seems endlessly. Especially for moms with multiple kids I think (I could be wrong/ but since I have 6 i'm speaking from my perspective) it's hard to do much of anything outside my own home with out help from my husband, my sister or someone. So I just don't put any effort into cultivating relationships with other moms. My kids don't do any extra activities either so moms of kids who do are even busier than the average mom I'm sure. Who has time to even have friends? My situation could be an isolated one...i don't drive, if I did we still have just one car so I still would be home if I could drive. 
Maybe I'm the only mom who feels this way. Or maybe there's a crowd of lonely moms. 

In my head and my soul I know I'm not alone. I know God is here and I'm thankful to have my husband, my mom  and dad and my sister (built in bestie for life). But Sometimes i do just feel alone in this thing called motherhood.